Green is not my color

So I noticed I'm a rather jealous person...ha...like that's a surprise if you've known me in relationships...but I'm starting to realize I get very jealous and territorial with my friends as well. I don't like it when someone tries to take friends away, weasel their way in, or stop me from making new friends. 

I guess I've had a lot of friends in my past that have acted like this: friends that have started rumors about me because I didn't hang out with them enough, friends that tried to stop boys from starting relationships because they didn't want to share me, friends that continuously put me down so they could remain higher then I. So after viewing these friendships Bethany's wonderful mind says "that's what no good! Lose them!" So I've lost a lot of friends (and let me just say cyber-world it surely was not all there fault, I was just as much to blame but that's not the point to my rant this evening). So now I hold onto the friends that I do have...very tightly.

I didn't notice how tightly until I was driving with a dear friend of mine and my jealous rage came out...well, when my mouth started moving I was appalled at what came out! Jealous of my friends becoming friends with my other friends! Jealous that they may take my spot! Jealous that I would no longer be loved and thought highly of! From that moment I truly realized how little I think of my friends, that they would toss me to the side...I've been praying for God to help me realize my jealous tendencies earlier and not to hold them in for so long so that dear friend had to listen to that. I've also asked God to help me be more open and have better regards for the relationships I do have:

and to remember the ones I've lost were for a purpose...it's all for the purpose of God's greater plan...not for my jealous rage...